"When I met someone in particular, I changed in a big way." - This is my second sentance in the whole essay, and I think that it should have better word choice. Does anyone have any ideas on how I could improve this?
Maybe state some of the things about you that changed or say some more decriptors on the person. Once I met a person with big eyes and bigger personality who forever changed my life. something with more punch if they mean that much to you. But i'm intrigued by the sound. Kraus
Dear Matt, nice passage.well done.your not here today and you should be.your probably skipping to get away from kraus and ben which is understandable but you better be back tomorrow so we can picnic. <3,Avery
3 comments:
Maybe state some of the things about you that changed or say some more decriptors on the person. Once I met a person with big eyes and bigger personality who forever changed my life. something with more punch if they mean that much to you. But i'm intrigued by the sound.
Kraus
The sentence itself is quite ambiguous. If you could concentrate on careful word usage, and specificity, you'll be fine!
~H
Dear Matt,
nice passage.well done.your not here today and you should be.your probably skipping to get away from kraus and ben which is understandable but you better be back tomorrow so we can picnic.
<3,Avery
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